I'm sure a lot of you don't have much to say to me.

I'm an attention hog when I don't deserve it; I leave with great fanfare because of my paranoia; I'm lazier than hell; I don't keep up with people who I claim are important to me; I make too many excuses for my inadequacies; I put myself down with semi-colon'd lists.

I guess I'm looking for your sympathy or your pity, and I want you all to welcome me back with open arms and ^____^ emotes.

Well, not really. XD I know at least a couple of you might think I'm full of shit. And that's okay.

I've learned that you people are real. That when I'm not talking to you, you're doing things that I don't know about because you have lives. You're having feelings. And I might have some effect on what you do, even though I feel like less of a person on the internet because I have no face.
Then, I might be giving myself too much credit as well. Because I don't have that face that humanizes me, some of you probably don't care.
So many factors. I'm looking too deeply into this, aren't I?

Anyways, I think I'm scared to be typing this because I know you're human and I'm afraid of judgement. I've always been afraid of being judged by people I look up to and the people who might have seen me as someone great.

Fact is: I'm a flake. I'm a procrastinator. I make excuses to avoid doing stuff or to put off things. I know that you can't expect much from me because of this.

I'm totally putting too much drama into this.
Let's start over.

Hi. I think I'm back.

My sister broke our tablet pen and I can't find the cord to my scanner...
But I want to start putting more stuff up. I want to come back!
This is a time where things are speeding up for me. Things are getting scary.
I wanted to start a whole new account, and start over, but I'm way too attached to this name. I can't move on yet when I'm expected to rise up and above my own expectations... call me childish. Clingy.

I guess I'm looking for a reason to improve. I'm looking for support and for a practical stranger's critiques. I want to help others, too.

This is pretty much my second attempted journal. I'm surprised I got this far. I'm so afraid and I know why. XD I know why and I can't tell anyone because it's personal.

Don't be afraid to tell me how disgusted you are with me if you're disgusted with me. Otherwise, I can't wait to hear from the people who are happy to have me back. I did miss a lot of you and I can't wait to see how your art has improved-- I KNOW it has in all these months.

I'm going to look for my scanner cord. My sister is shopping around for a new tablet, and as soon as that happens, I'll get fresh stuff up.

I have some older MSPaint art in my files that I can put up that's new to you guys. I'm a little excited about that...

I wish I could have more for you guys, but that's all I've got. I'm sorry.